For several years, I had been having the desire, to marry, settle down, and raise a family. I had been so much so, that I would be desperate. Then one by one, my younger sisters, would get married and move out. Here I was, the eldest, and still living at home with my parents, while they went off to start their own families.
God spoke to me last night, through my Dad, saying that instead of being content with the life I have now, I am so desperate, to get married and raise a family, that it has not yet come to pass. The Lord doesn't want you come to the point of desperation, that you forget, that He is waiting to give it to you, if you seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. The first priority is to seek first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.
I was being so desperate, that I was looking at every single, single guy that I met, asking myself, " This could be the one. And I would be on my best behavior, just to impress them." I was told, that, to be yourself, and let the glory of God shine through you, is far more attractive, then trying to impress them with your intellect, and recent achievements. Being myself, means, talking alot, and being so nervous, that you would have to have someone else do the talking for you. My parents knew what an social butterfly I am, but when it comes to meeting new people, especially guys, I am very shy. I know there needs to be a balance between shy, and over outgoing. Being polite, and answering the questions they ask you. Trying not to flirt with them, and not to get their attention. It is really heard, especially when you really like the guy.:)
I know this sounds really funny, but this is what I have been struggling with, since, oh, since I was 16 years of age. And here I am, nearly 26 years old! Ten years of struggling, and I just needed to know, that as soon as I am content what state I am in, He will be willing to bless me with more. :) He gives good things to His children! Hallelujah!
It is simple, you say? Well, it is the hardest thing for me to do, putting my full faith and trust in the Lord. But I know, that if I don't, showers of blessings will be limited, according to my faith!
So, I make a choice today, whether to be desperate, or content? I choose...... being content! Hallelujah! I must learn in whatever state I am in, therein to be content! Amen!
That is what the Lord laid on my heart!
Perennial Pioneer
6 comments:
Hi Laura,
As a single, I can understand you SO well on this. A good friend of mine who is a year younger than me is getting married this summer, and I don't even have anyone courting me. And I do appreciate the many blessings I've been given, and I do love God with all my heart and want to trust His plan for me - but sometimes I just get this nagging little voice in my head: "When? Oh, dear God, when?!", and even "What if I never get married at all?! I think I could tolerate any period of waiting if I knew for sure I'd get married someday"
The desire to get married is normal. It's natural and good. But like you said, we shouldn't let this turn into despair. We should be content and we should praise Him no matter what happens: if we get married at 18 or 35, if we have many or few children or are childless, and even if we never get married. Life is always what we make of it and I believe we have the power to be content with what we have!
Blessings,
Anna
Being single too, I can relate to what you are saying though my desire to get married only started about 2 years ago.It began after I found the Walton's tv show and grew after I found the YLCF and these blogs.
Like you said,It's important to be content in whatever state we are in.
There is an Elisabeth Eliot quote I read on another blog that can relate to this.She said that "A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man must seek him to find her."
Anna, thanks for the words of encouragement!Is there a way, that you could put my blog on yours? Just wondered!
Robert, how long have you been a believer? I have been one for nearly 11 years, and I am still learning the goodness of our Heavenly Father. It is so good, to know that there are other young women and men out there, striving to serve the Lord first, and then all the things of our desire, will be added unto us! How blessed it that! I have seen the Waltons, and YLCF, and appreciate both.I do like Pride and Prejudice, and many other movies that have the hero get the heroine in the end, such as Lord of the Rings, and many others in my collection! Well, got to go. God bless you today!
Perennial Pioneer
Hi Laura,
Just linked to your blog! This way, I won't have to look for the link in my comments whenever I want to see if you posted anything new :)
Robert, you should really do a blog, for young single men. I think that that would help alot, especially if it was about the struggles that a young single man faces, when he is going through singlehood. I have a brother, who is single, and he is frustrated! Just a thought!
Perennial Pioneer
Laura,
I know exactly where you are coming from with your worries. If there is any consolation that I can offer you, it is this. Among the terms we use to describe God are "omnipotent" and "omniscient". The doctrine of divine omnipotence was defined at the Council of Nicea and has its roots in the Book of Revelation: the line "I am the Alpha and the Omega" is specifically where it originates. With Divine omniptoence and oniscience comes the idea that God exists outside of time and sees the whole of time in a single instant. That's a scary thought- because it means that hiding from Him is completely fruitless. However, it also ought to be a source of immense strength and hope: the knowledge that the victory can and will be ours if we respond to God's grace. Grace perfects nature and makes possible the things that are impossible to us as mere humans.
So this perhaps helps to refocus one's understanding of vocation, which begins in prayer. Ultimately the vocation to married life stems from the grace and holiness fostered in us by the life of prayer. For married love is a sign of the love that Christ has for all of us. It mirrors the love of God evident in the creation and redemption of man and is a sign of the future glory of the next life.
And so, first and foremost, this also helps to refocus one's attitude towards the marital vocation: we think of the words of the Lord's Prayer "fiat voluntas tua sicut in caelo et in terra"- "thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven". 'Not for my sake Lord, but for thy sake— for the glorification of thy Most Holy Name and the salvation of souls, may it be done', must be the thought on our minds.
It is interesting that you mention contentment. Modern consumer culture has tried to shape contentment around the acquisition of consumer goods. But ultimately the best things in life are free. I don't mean that in the trite way- "they cost nothing". Rather, they are completely gratuitous- given with an expectation of nothing in return. The sacrifice of the cross is the most dramatic example of this. The same with the love a spouse.
Lack of contentment has much to do with the malaise of the current era. Or as St. Augustine put it so dramatically, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee, O Lord." And so when our hearts come to rest in God, we come to appreciate everything else as truly gratuitous. This is what gives us the ability to see God in all things- all the way from the beauty of the folliage and gardens in town to the heroism of a man who sacrifices his life so others might live.No love is good unless it is subordinated to a higher love, the love of God, so we must love God first.
Our life here and now is a pilgrimage towards the unity with God that is our eschatological end. All action therefore, must be ultimately ordered towards the salvation of souls.
So I have painted some rather broad brushstrokes here. (Please forgive the length of my comments.)What does this mean for you here and now?
First of all, let plans of expectations of marrying the single men you meet recede to the back of your mind. You must trust in God, that he will provide for you. When you meet a man, instead of thinking "will this be the man I marry", ask yourself, "what can I do to better extend the hand of friendship to this man? What can I do to be a good and caring friend, to help reach closer to Christ, even if its only a couple of baby steps?" Pray, "Lord, give me the strength and the grace to be the best friend that I can to (names) and thus mirror your love and virtue". The other thing that I would do is to do your very best to cultivate solid friendships with other Christian women your age. This is key. It gives you an opportunity to better understand and perfect the kind of friendship that is so essential to a happy marriage. Also, you may meet some reliable Christian men through the friends of your friends.
You mentioned flirtation- avoid this at all costs. Speaking personally from my own experience, flirtation can be a big turnoff. Again speaking from my own experience, there is at least one girl that I have avoided because she hit on me. I wasn't comfortable with it because It didn't respect my dignity as a human being and a creature of God. I was treated like an object of desire and didn't like it at all. However, I would argue that there is a big difference between flirtation and healthy social contact, which often can lead to rather substantive and deep conversations- the stuff that healthy marriages are built on.
Speaking personally, I have been single for all of my adult life. (I am 22.) However, I see now that this was a good thing. God protected me from forming attachments to those who I should not marry. It is sometimes trying, but God calls us to have patience and live as he would have it- from day to day.
I have posted below the message a prayer called "The Litany of Humility" by Cardinal Rafael Merry del Val. Cardinal Merry del Val was a Spanish nobleman, who could have had anything and everything he wanted, be it worldly riches and power, or the papcy itself. Merry del Val had everything going for him: he was rich, noble, handsome, and virtuous. However, he saw that his own value was but a shadow of that of Christ himself and saw how humility helps us to draw closer to Christ.
So despair not and take solace in the wounds of the suffering Christ, who suffers with you and for you, in this less than perfect world.
Rest assured that I will remember to pray for your vocation when I say my prayers this evening. May the peace of Christ be with you now and forever. I remain
Yours in Christ,
James
The Litany of Humility
By Cardinal Rafael Merry del Val
O Jesus, meek and humble of heart,
Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being loved,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being honored,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being praised,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being approved,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being despised,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be esteemed more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I go unnoticed,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
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"Charity is patient, is kind; charity does not envy, is not pretentious, is not puffed up, is not ambitious, is not self-seeking, is not provoked; thinks no evil, does not rejoice over wickedness, but rejoices with the truth, bears with all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Cor. 13:4-7).
"To have Charity is to love God above all things for Himself and be ready to renounce all created things rather than offend Him by serious sin."
( Matt. 22:36-40)
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